I’m very good at finding somewhere new to go. I’m less good at going back.
Restaurants, travel destinations, even walks. If I’ve already been somewhere, my instinct is usually to try somewhere else. There might be something better around the corner, and I’d hate to miss it. Working in hospitality probably encourages it too; there’s always somewhere I’ve heard about and would love to visit.
I do wonder why I feel the need. Even after a lovely holiday, I’m more likely to say, “Where shall we try next?” than suggest going back. There’s only so much time, the list keeps growing, and returning to somewhere familiar can feel like passing up the chance to discover something.
But recently I’ve been thinking about what you miss when you’re always moving on.
There’s such a lovely feeling when someone remembers you. Your coffee order. Your dog’s name in the village shop, even if they haven’t quite got around to learning yours. Going back to a restaurant and having the person looking after your table remember the bottle of wine you enjoyed with your family last time.
I find that sort of thing disproportionately pleasing. Someone has remembered a small detail they had no particular obligation to remember, and it makes you feel that you’ve made an impression. You were noticed.
Of course, you only get to become a familiar face if you actually return. Which is a slightly inconvenient conclusion for someone who is forever looking up somewhere new.
It’s also something I think about a lot in our pubs. We spend time talking about how we want people to feel when they’re with us, and being remembered is a lovely part of that. But can you teach someone to do it?
Some people seem to have a natural instinct for these things. They’ll remember a conversation from months ago and ask after the person’s daughter without having to think twice. I’m always impressed by that.
I think you can certainly teach people to pay attention: to listen properly to the answer when they ask someone a question, to pick up on a detail and follow it up next time. Remembering which wine someone enjoyed is useful; being curious enough to ask what they liked about it is where the conversation begins.
Whether that curiosity can be taught quite so easily, I’m less sure. Perhaps you can encourage it, give people the time to act on it, and show them how much those small gestures matter.
Either way, it’s made me question my own determination to keep trying somewhere different. I still love discovering a new place. But there’s something rather appealing about walking into one you already know, seeing a familiar face and being asked how the dog is.
Perhaps I need to go back a little more often.
Maddie x